I've been working on a series of helpful songs for the new Spit album, so today's idea will be something along those lines. I like the idea of memorisation songs - there's a cool one for the first hundred digits of pi, and "Why does the sun shine" is a classic. So what if there was a song that helped you memorise something absolutely useless - say, the history of a made-up country? The kind of song that they make you learn and sing in primary school that's kind of adjacent to the national anthem in the same way as Waltzing Matilda.

So the song "Drown, drown, drown Dr Hopdripper in 26 possits of goat cheese" is about the overthrow of the unpopular Molbanian religious reformer Dr Hopdripper in 1891, and the events leading to his death that involve several prominant people "accidentally" drowning in barrels of goat cheese as a kind of Putinesque threat.

The song itself should incorporate precise dates and times of the crucial incidents just so that when you sing it you can be extremely precise in how much useless information you have now stored in your head.